Lainey’s Fight: Becki Tinder’s 13-year-old daughter faces a life-threatening battle with pneumonia
By: Becki Tinder, Ghosh Center pharmacy technician
Lainey Tinder on Christmas 2020, just before her health ordeal.
At any moment your world can come to a screeching halt, get flipped upside down and be forever changed because of a serious illness or injury. Every day at The Ghosh Center, I bear witness to patients receiving life-altering news, but I never put any thought into “what if” this happened to me or my family. On Friday, January 8, 2021, that “what if” became my reality.
What started off as an expected quick trip to Urgent Care for a flu test or possibly strep throat turned into one ambulance ride to the ER, a hospital admission, an upgrade to intensive care, a life flight to another hospital and nearly two weeks of living in hospital rooms.
My youngest daughter Lainey, an otherwise healthy, athletic 13-year-old, spent 13 days in the hospital (including 11 days in intensive care) with a severe case of bilateral community-acquired bacterial pneumonia, with pleural effusion that led to her being in complete respiratory failure. That means that both of her lungs were filled with infection, and fluid had collected around her lungs, preventing her from being able to breathe on her own.
Lainey required breathing assistance, and luckily, she tolerated being on a mask versus needing a tube inserted into her airway to do the breathing for her. She was on multiple antibiotics and eventually needed chest tubes to drain the fluid from around her lungs.
While I still remember every little detail of every little thing that happened from January 8, 2021, through the present moment, my body would not and will not allow me to feel them. As my daughter was fighting for her life, my body, too, was fighting and experiencing shock.
Everything was in slow motion: I heard every word, every alarm on every monitor and read every note left by her medical teams. I often sat at her bedside, in awe of how brave and strong she was. She never showed me that she was scared, and I knew I had to do the same for her, despite feeling desperate for her to “turn the corner” as they kept promising me she would.
I found that blogging on social media was what helped me the most to cope with the situation. It was too much pressure to try and respond to every text or message and, honestly, I did not have the energy. On social media everyone got the answers they were looking for, and I was able to keep my mind focused away from the negative thoughts. I have yet to be able to go back and re-read my posts or the hundreds of messages left by family and friends, but I am so thankful that they are there for the day that I am able to do so.
I also believe my experience taking care of others helped to prepare me for a life event like this. I kept thinking about how I needed to be her advocate and ask questions so we could make the best decisions for her care, which is advice we give to our patients at The Ghosh Center all the time.
“While I still remember every little detail of every little thing that happened... my body would not and will not allow me to feel them.”
Our family is completely humbled by the outpouring of generosity from those who reached out and supported us during this time. We learned a lot about the incredible power of prayer and about how much stronger we are as a family and as individuals than we ever thought we were. Life just feels different. I have always reflected on how much perspective I have gained from caring for people living with cancer, but this is a whole new level of perspective. A lot of things do not seem to matter anymore, and other things matter more than ever.
Lainey is home, and she continues to heal physically and emotionally. As for me, I am trying not to be a neurotic, overbearing momma but it is a struggle. It may be cliché, but live life to the fullest because you never know when your “what if” moment will come.
